Trends & Articles
Put Me In, Coach: Banishing the Skunk
By Nan Crockett Valentine
Published on Tuesday, April 10th, 2007 under Coaching, Staff Development, Workplace Stess
Suppose a skunk made its way into your office. Say someone freaked it out when he stepped on its tail, and the skunk unleashed its fury the way skunks do.
Everyone would run in the opposite direction. Someone would call the Skunkaway Company. In no time that animal would be gone. People just won’t put up with skunks in the office.
You might be rid of this noxious critter, only to be left with a much more toxic animal. This is one people find it hard to banish.
If you’re the CEO or business owner, this kind of animal is the manager who can’t meet her goals because she is stuck with lousy employees and unreasonable customers. If you’re a manager or an employee, this is the direct report or co-worker who needs everyone to know he dragged himself to work despite a bad back, troublesome feet, truant kids, and a boss who makes him miserable.
This animal is the perpetual victim. Most workplaces have at least one. The victim is never at fault, but he can tell you who is. He has an uncanny ability to spot problems, and he makes sure everyone knows how much he is being inconvenienced.
The victim doesn’t confront the source of her angst. Instead, she regales you with complaints about all of the terrible things others around her are saying and doing.
The skunk may raise quite a stink at the time, but it only sprays us once. Having a victim in the office is like having a powerful sulfur-emitting hot spring smack dab in the middle of the cubicle cluster. That oppressive smell clings to everything.
Why don’t we run in the other direction when this kind of animal enters the room? Why don’t we call the Victimaway Company? We seem to put up with the victim’s harmful behavior, perhaps because he intimidates us. Sometimes we even feel sorry for him.
Over time the victim can turn a pleasant workplace into a morgue or, worse still, a hostile work environment. Such people recruit more victims. Their cancer-like tentacles wrap around and choke the energy out of the most optimistic among us.
What’s an enlightened CEO, manager, or co-worker to do? First, we can stop supporting the victim’s negative behavior. The victim counts on her tirade recipient to say things like, “Oh, how awful,” or “You poor thing. That must feel terrible,” or “You shouldn’t have to take that.”
A better response: “So how are you planning to solve that?” or “I assume you talked to the person who made you mad. No? I’d start there.” or “When are you seeing the doctor about that back?”
When we start encouraging problem solving rather than complaining, the victim will either start doing some problem solving, or she’ll go off to find someone else who is more sympathetic to her woes. Either way, we win.
Most of us have played the victim at one time or another. The real damage comes from the person who has turned his negative world view into a way of life. Sometimes people who think the glass is half full can have a good influence on that world view. Sometimes not. After all, the only person we can truly change stares back at us in the mirror each morning.
People who lead and manage others might consider the productivity and morale impact when others have to spend time around victims. Years ago a VP at a company I worked for fired someone who did exceptional work. I asked him why he let such a strong performer go. He said no matter how good the work, it didn’t balance out the individual’s destructive behavior on the rest of the staff.
You’ve got to respect that. I’m sure a lot of people at that office breathed a sigh of relief when this individual walked out for the last time.
Next month we’ll talk about ways we can stay positive when we start feeling a little skunk-like ourselves. One of the best things we can do to shore up our own perspective is to hang around positive people.
Bottom line, we’d distance ourselves from that foul-smelling skunk. Best to keep a healthy distance from the victim as well.